Carpel Tunnel is a Bizzle

FINALLY she gets it. ;)

Can I just make a suggestion to the paparazzi? I'm getting kind of tired of Paris, Nicole, Lindsay and f-ing Kristin Cavalleri. Can we please get some candids of some other, more interesting celebs? Here is a short list: Bea Arthur, Roger Hazard, Wentworth Miller, Al Sharpton, Mark L. Walberg and Tina Simpson. That's who I like. I want to know what they do all day. Where do they shop? What do they do at the club? Who are they hugging? Who fulfills Tina's needs? An entire new business opportunity awaits. I will buy a tabloid with Al on the cover and blurbs about Roger Hazard's gay escapades on the side. Wentworth Miller is doing some dirt, I know he is.

And Paris. What is wrong with you? I’m convinced that we are reaching an all-time crazy level of nastiness. If this is how it is in 2007, I can’t even imagine what it will be like in ten more years. My poor children will enjoy nothing that I have come to enjoy. I have already decided that my daughter will not even realize that she has legs. The girl will be dressed like an Amish. Long skirts every day. Legs all alabaster and ashy from never seeing the light of day. She will have a cell phone, but she will have exactly twenty minutes a month. She’ll only need to make five second phone calls anyway. She’ll have the “checking in” call which goes: I’ll be at the movies in ten minutes. My mom is with me. And she’ll have the emergency call which goes: Send help! My face is on fire! Plus, I dare her to send me to voice mail. I just dare her. Yeah, lots of volunteering at the homeless shelter for us. She better get used to what it feels like to hold a ladle, scooping that soup out of that big vat. Carpel tunnel from a ladle and not MySpace, ain’t that something?

On a more positive note, last week was BYU's annual Asian Festival. I endearingly call it "The Asian Exodus" because this is the day where all the Asians come out of the woodwork.