Google Fool

So I just watched a snippet of Kanye West on some telethon thing he did. Youtube is love man. I’m not usually the biggest Kanye fan. I’ll admit to popping my neck at a tune of his, but from all the interviews I’ve read and seen, I’m usually floored at the level of his confidence. I know, “from all the interviews I’ve read and seen” means I’m saying I’m not that into him but I’ve managed to be all in his business and yeah, that’s the especially dumb part of being almost uncontrollably interested in pop culture.

Can I take a loose poll here?

Please tell me that other people battle the guilt and the paranoia and the nighttime secrecy of fucking around with Google all night. Someone tell me I’m not an ass. I just need one other person to say that she has gotten sucked into search engines for hours at a time. I just need a little bit of affirmation. I need to know that I am not sick, that this is normal and that other people are also overwhelmed and entranced by technology. Honestly, I feel like a crazy person. With Google, I can research the delicate weave of science because let’s face it, have you not wondered what Jay-Z does when he wants to romp around with Beyonce? Not that I’m thinking about what she does in the bedroom. I’m not a nasty lady. I’m talking about regular lounging around, making out horizontal style on the couch, morning cuddles. Does she have to say, “Ooh my hair…” and reprimand him when he’s too rough with it? Because, I mean, her get up looks expensive. And she is the Feria lady so she can’t really be half-stepping with the hair. Paris Hilton can put her shit on fresh out the bag because she’s Paris Hilton and if you clown she’ll just look at you and say, “But I’m really rich and I can get filmed giving a really awkward blowjob and still everyone loves me and I still get to be on Nickelodeon so um, whatever…” But Beyonce’s got class and grace and hit songs and what not. She has to keep the hair right. You see what I mean? Am I insane? I am! Shit. I knew it!