The Tri Band

Is your hectic life spiraling out of control? Have you lost all faith in men? Do you have sudden impulses to engage in violent activities involving various weapons of mass destruction? Heh. Well Mark, my partner in crime, and I have the perfect solution for you.

Try a little garden therapy.

See, every garden needs a little fluffing on a regular basis - nipping, tucking and straightening. Just like Joan Rivers. And as with any good grooming habits, your garden will be looking all amazing for it. Though maintenance may seem tedious, the results are truly worth the effort. Take a look at what Mark and I created. We call it “The Tri Band”, conceptualized after my initial - and rather lofty - plan of creating a Tyrannosaurus Rex pretty much crashed and burned.

I suck at shrubbery.

Mark and Lethe’s Tips on Becoming the World’s Best Tree Designers

1) Own good shears.

2) Prune. This is where the true design work begins.

3) Start at the top and think about where you want this tree to go. The key is to envision the future of the tree.

4) When you get sick of using your shears or when you start to get hungry, stop, step back and admire your tree. Nod convincingly to yourself and smile with great satisfaction as if the tree turned out to be exactly how you wanted it to be.

5) Name your tree. Read: Whatever it most resembles. However, if you just plain suck with a pair of shears and have no artistic taste whatsoever, proudly declare it as abstract and proceed to give it an absolutely ridiculous name like “The Petrified Llama.”

Here’s Mark’s account on his blog.

No need for verbosity. Ave caught a catfish and he ate it.